Mother knows best
by blue c 84
Summary: One shot- or at least it started as one. Carl's got mail from his mom. Warning: RSTC fluff.
1. Mother knows best

RSTC: Mother Knows Best

Today is the most anticipated day of the week. Today is mail day. The room rippled with excitement as most troopers waited for their names to be called to collect their mail in various forms and sizes. The lucky ones would get care packages—the contents of which, the Infantry most probably had gone through and approved. The less lucky ones would just get letters. It didn't matter. Anything from home is always welcomed.

"Higgins."

"Here!" The reporter jumped off his seat to collect the small box. He walked back grinning reading the letter that came with his package with glee. "This is great! Mom loves me. This. Is. So. Cool." He cheered when he sat back down between Brutto and Doc, both of whom already got their letters from home. "She sent me night vision lenses." He tore through the wrapper quickly sending bits of paper into the air.

Brutto raised his eyebrows in amusement. "Now, if only you can shred bugs like that, we'll get to go home faster." He commented tossing a football his father had sent him back to Doc.

"Higgins, the bug ripper." Doc grinned. "Now that's a sight."

"What do you have there, Andy?" Gossard peered curiously at the slightly smaller box that the girl was quietly and carefully rummaging through occasionally glancing at the letter lying flat on the table.

Andy looked up at him beaming. "My friends sent me my favorite book, mini discs of new music and shows, a new game for my laptop, and…Interesting…" She glanced at the letter before pulling out a small black cylinder with his name engraved by the side and ear buds handing them to a confused mechanic. "I just mentioned that you've been borrowing mine every now and then." The girl ran her fingers through her now, short hair. "Apparently, in their land, that warrants getting you your own music player. According to the letter, they've loaded it up for you too." She shrugged, taking a mini disc out of the box and looking over the label with a grin.

"Sweet!" Gossard exclaimed. "I love your friends!"

The girl took the book out of the box. "Yeah. I love them too." She smiled fingering the well worn cover.

Carl Jenkins sighed at the sight of the gleeful troopers knowing he wasn't going to be one of them. It wasn't because he didn't have a package of his own. In fact, he was the first Roughneck to receive one. The problem was that it was just that time of the year.

He left the room just as Dizzy's name was called out. While the I-love- people continued inside, he headed towards the empty squad room. The psychic sat down on his bunk staring at the tiny box from home on his lap. "Happy birthday Carl… Have fun with Johnny and Isabel. Love, Mom." He read out loud to himself without much enthusiasm. He took a deep breath to steel his nerves before opening the box.

Carl gave the box's content a questionable look. This was unexpected. He was half expecting confetti to shoot up in the air when he opened the box. Or at least something that would shock him half out of his wits that he'd have to scramble for his morita. Why else would he had opened his package alone? But there was no explosion. No smoke screen like he expected. The box wasn't booby trapped. He reached in gingerly for his present and held it up in the air. There was nothing.

It was just a toy.

So, he read the note that accompanied his present again. The line "Have fun with Johnny and Isabel" caught his eye. He glanced back at the toy his mother had sent him. A sly smile started forming in his lips. "People always said to listen to your mother." He said to noone in particular. He stood up decisively and headed for the washroom.

He needed some water.

--

Lt. Johnny Rico had a trying day. It was filled with and up and a lot of downs. The up is that he got a new holo-game from home which boosted his mood greatly. But his bubble popped right when the squad was ordered down to Hydora along with a few other squads to secure the perimeter on which SICON wanted to hold it's command base. Of course, there were bugs. When were there no bugs? Then, when they got back to the Valley Forge, there was paperwork to contend with-- which he wanted so badly to postponed. But Zim; the ever present Sgt. Zim, sat in his office doing his share. Rico felt so bad for the guy at first that he started on his pile as well. But somewhere in the middle, he realized it was a trick. Zim had gotten him to do something by playing on his 'guilt and shame' emotions. A devious maneuver in the part of the sergeant.

What was the score now? Sgt. Zim- 100, Rico- 0?

He trudged back into the squad room wishing for nothing else but his bunk. When the door opened, a bunch of subdued Roughnecks grunted their greetings from their bunks. It looked like the usual scene. Nothing seemed wrong apart from the bandaged limbs. So he headed towards his bunk right below Dizzy Flores' and plopped down while Dizzy peered at him from above.

Suddenly, his bottom felt cold and... wet. He saw Diz give him a curious teasing look. "Rico, did you just wet yourself?" And with that one question, the squad room's activity screeched to a halt. All eyes were looking at him.

"No." He quickly anwered defensively. "I think I would know if I did right?" He said feigning confidence. However, the cold wet feeling he has was telling him that his bunk was wet.

"Then why is part of your sheets wet?" Carl Jenkins sauntered towards him trying not to crack up.

Rico stood up. "Look..." He tried to start defending himself again.

"Hate to break it to you L.T., but your pants are wet." Diz pointed out before he could finish.

"Like I was trying to say," he tried again holding back his temper, "it's not me!" He eyed the troopers trying to intimidate them. But it was all too late. Hell had broken loose. Higgins had his camera already filming the ensuing mayhem. Andy had shut her laptop down to watch what happened next from her bunk. Doc sat back up grinning as Gossard and Brutto exchanged mischievousexpressions.

"Aww... did little Rico have an accident?" Gossard started cooing.

"Real men can hold it in." Brutto added wagging a finger at his commanding officer.

"Rico," Doc nodded from his bunk. "I have medicine for that disorder. You should've just asked." He said albeit without chuckling.

"Or gone to the washroom." Higgins quipped and the troopers couldn't hold the laughter in anymore.

Rico had been counting to ten, but it wasn't working. Far from it. "LOOK!" He boomed. "It's not me!" He turned grabbing his blanket off his bunk with one sweep revealing what had caused the wetness. The young lieutenant looked triumphantly at the other troopers pointing out the green thing in his bunk. "See?" He gestured towards it.But all the immobile thing gathered were the curious and disgusted stares of the troopers.

"Rico, did you get a new pet in Hydora?" Carl asked staring at the thing.

Andy was squinting with her mouth open trying to get a better view at it. She took a quick glance at Carl Jenkins, who met her gaze but quickly looked away. "Dude, you just sat on a..."Just then, the thing came to life and jumped right for the peering Dizzy Flores.

"A FROG!" The redhead screamed eclipsing the other girl's reaction. She jerked backwards just in time to avoid the frog's path. It instead landed on Johnny Rico's foot.

Rico kicked his leg out several times but the thing wouldn't let go. "Nyaah! Get it off! Get it off!" He called out.

"This is great!" He heard Higgins say. The frog finally loosened and went flying to the air-- landing right on top of his camera. "Aaaah!" The reporter let go of the camera by instinct. The camera fell, but the frog was gone. It had used the height of Higgin's camera and jumped into Dizzy Flores' bed.

The red head's eyes widened with shock. "Holy..." She cried scampering off the top bunk. The frog hopped from that bunk to the Brutto's bunk right beside it.

"Eat football!" Brutto yelled bringing down his present on the unwanted animal. There was a small high pitched sound followed by spurt of liquid in the air. For a second, there was silence in the room.

"Grooss" The girls in the room sounded off their disgust at the same time.

Brutto rolled his eyes in response. "What else did you expect me to do? Smother it with love?" He shrugged while still pinning down the frog on his bed with the football.

Gossard the squished frog wryly. It seemed too green to be real. "Brutto, let me look at that frog." He swatted the boy's football away. He gingerly lifted the frog by its feet letting it hang an arms length away. "Guys? I think you should take a look at this." He smiled.

"What is it?" Dizzy eyed it suspiciously.

Doc caught the grin on the mechanic's face and back to the frog. That smile on the mechanic's face only meant one thing. "It's a species of Berruay Ogfray." He answered knowingly.

"What.. what's that?" Higgins asked.

Rico placed both hands on his hips. "In English please, Doc?" He suggested dryly.

"Rubber frog." Andy answered for the two older troopers trying to stifle her own laughter by hugging her pillow. "Extremely rare in these sectors." She continued on.

"Rubber." The lieutenant repeated obviously unamused. He glared at his chuckling pre-cog friend by his bunk's post. "An animated rubber frog?!" He demanded.

"CARL!" Dizzy Flores crossed her arms at her friend.

The psychic lifted both his hands in defense. "Hey, it was my mom's idea."

: : : : :

Note: About time they went after something else besides from bugs and skinnies right? It's just fluff. Nothing much. I was playing a starship trooper flash fangame I found while surfing the ST3 fansite and thought of this fic. Oh! and I never noticed how Xander looks like Davy Jones


	2. KISS

RSTC: What will happen if we KISS

The lieutenant headed towards his already grouped squad. "Everybody keep your eyes peeled for the enemy. I'd be damned if we were caught unprepared." Rico ordered his troopers, leaning forward slightly with narrowed eyes. He pointed at each trooper meeting their gazes with his unusually stern one. "You know what to do." He nodded decisively looking around at his surroundings. He made one last sweep of the place before he decided that the place was clean.

There was an amused chuckle from one of his troopers. Johnny Rico quickly eyed the peculiar girl. "What's so funny, Andy?" He asked.

"You are." The girl replied honestly. "You all are." She added causing an uproar from her own squad.

Dizzy Flores was first to recover. "This is a battlefield!" She pumped a balled fist to the air.

"Correction. We're in the mess hall." Andy bluntly answered taking a sip from her mug. The Roughnecks were indeed in the mess hall. In the tables around them, squads heartily and happily ate whatever the Valley Forge's cook had to offer. Banter and laughter filled the space as troopers tried to forget the previous battle with the nonsense they rather talk about. All but one table joined in the lighthearted mood of the hall-- Alpha sqaud.

"Don't you want to redeem yourself?" Gossard asked visibly smirking beside her.

But the girl simply shrugged. "From what exactly?"

"Aren't you ashamed?" The mechanic continued.

"I have very little shame." She informed the group.

"It's not even about that, Andy." Higgins replied calmly raising his head from the pad of paper he was writing on.

Doc nodded in agreement. "Yeah, Andy. It's about being a Roughneck." He announced.

"And Roughnecks stick together." Brutto quipped firmly pointing an index finger at the girl.

This time the girl couldn't hold the laughter back any longer. "Seriously? Still? You're still not over CJ's rubber frog trick?" She asked. The not- so- happy expressions on the faces of her squad mates was her answer. "But you've been foiled at every get back scheme you've tried. Like the chair pulling thing the other day..."

"Darn that apple he forgot to get." The mechanic cursed.

"Or the hot water bottle you modified to a whoopee cushion yesterday?" The trooper continued to recount.

"He got lucky." Rico and Doc bitterly shot back together.

Andy propped her head up on the table with one hand. "Or he already knew about it. The dude wasn't called away by special ops today for nothing." She pointed out to very defiant troopers. "Face it. In the words of a late celebrity prankster-- you've been punk'd."

"No." Rico slammed both hands in opposition on the metal table. "That's where you're wrong. We just need a good POA. Something he won't notice until it's too late. Something that his mind can't read." He ranted on.

Dizzy Flores slyly grinned while she watched Higgins continue to write down a draft for his next report. The reporter twirled his around a finger while mentally choosing a word to use. A plan started formulating in her head making her green eyes sparkle. "Johnny, maybe we should kiss." She suggested facing the lieutenant.

The table suddenly fell silent as a wide eyed Dizzy Flores looked expectantly a now crimson Johnny Rico. Wolf whistles ensued on the table.

"Now?!" A suddenly high pitched sounding Rico replied slight panic. "Here?!" The lieutenant was now looking around the area. "Uh... are you sure? I mean... I'm all for it. But here?!" He squeaked

"Well I'm glad someone's getting some action." Gossard commented earning wry looks from the equally entertained Doc and Andy.

Brutto nudged Higgins. "You might want to get this." He chuckled.

But Dizzy Flores just waved their responses away and rolled her eyes. "Gross! That's not what I meant!" She defended.

"Ooooh, burn!" Brutto teased the beet red lieutenant.

Flores stole Higgins' pen and deftly twirled it between her fingers. "KISS. It's and acronym. As in Keep It Simple, Stupid." She jabbed the pen at Brutto's shoulder. "Boys," She stood up placing one foot on the stool, "and girl," she quickly added. "I have a plan."

--

Carl Jenkins ran his hand through his hair groggily. Being called upon by Special Ops was always draining. If he wasn't a psychic himself, he would have thought that the Special Ops division was just one giant leech sucking out the energy from unsuspecting troopers like himself.

He sighed tying on his shoelaces. Save for him, the squad room was empty. He was so very tempted to stay inside the room alone. The past few days, the other troopers had been trying to get back at him for the frog incident. If he knew that the troopers couldn't take a joke he would never have tried the prank.

It was only by luck that he had managed to avoid the two attempts on his pride. He didn't need to be a mind reader to know when they'd strike. A twinkle in the eye, an over eager expression, an expectant smile-- there was always something there that gave them away. The only way he'd be safe was to either take a hit, which he wasn't prepared to do, or avoid the troopers altogether.

But his stomach grumbled and complained from lack of food. For now, avoidance is not an option either. Slowly, he pulled himself together and left the room. He had only taken a few steps when he received several pats on the back. There was Lieutenant Johnny Rico, suddenly at his side, with a pen a wad of paper.

"Hey, you don't look so good." His friend commented. "Rough night?" He asked.

The pre-cog nodded somberly. "Like you wouldn't believe. I just crashed when I got back." He complained. "Taking up journalism?" He pointed at the pen and paper.

"Higgins left it when he was editing videos. Some trooper just gave it to me." Rico shrugged. "I'm heading to the mess hall. You?"

"Chow." Jenkins confirmed with another nod.

Oddly enough, an olive skinned girl that was passing him by giggled stealing glances at him. "Ciao to you too." She greeted before she continued on her way. They turned a corner just to find three girl s look at him and giggle as they went past.

He felt Rico pat his back again, chuckling. "Looks like the ladies are digging your style today." He said.

Carl Jenkins smiled. "Yeah, it's the perfectly disheveled look." He replied wryly. Maybe he should keep his hair this way. He couldn't believe how a change of hair style could prompt such reactions.

But before he could say anything to Rico, a group of men passed by chuckling at their direction. "Looking good there hotshot." One pointed at his direction. " His smile faded. A chill went up his spine. It was one thing to earn the attention of the opposite sex. But if it was from the same one... that's just creepy.

And wrong.

Which only meant one thing.

By logical deduction, there was something up.

Carl Jenkins suddenly found himself wide awake. The day hasn't gone on for that long for him not to be able to replay the events of the day in his head. In fact, besides from getting up, only one thing happened-- bumping into his good friend Johnny Rico. He seemed to remember a several pats on the back. He took a glance at his friend walking beside him with a small smirk on his face and knew-- just knew-- he had something to do with this. His gaze fell on the pad of paper and a pen and everything was revealed to him.

He had a note on his back.

"Hey boys," Dizzy called out from behind them, "ready to guess the mystery meat we're--"

"Diz, is there a note on my back?" He asked bluntly at the small red head interrupting her half way through her sentence.

Dizzy Flores just chuckled. "A note? 'Course not." She replied entering the mess hall. "You alright Carl?" She raised an eyebrow before she left to queue for food with Rico.

Despite the reassurance of one of his best friends, he was unconvinced. Several troopers from several tables took one look at him and visibly laughed. There was pointing involved. More laughter. Then more pointing.

Panic. The pre-cog was now panicked and immobilized standing at the doorway. The last time this scenario happened was in middle school. And back then, he had Johnny Rico and Dizzy Flores to back him up. But this time, his two best friends were in it together. He had to find someone else to have his back.

Someone who would tell the truth.

Someone who didn't care about all this pranking.

Someone like--

"Andy." He whispered to himself when his eyes landed on the girl sitting beside Gossard. He bee-lined for the Roughnecks table leaving a wave of tables laughing as went. He was positive that even saw a person choke. But he didn't care to stop. The madness has to end.

"Andy, tell me the truth." He said announcing his presence on the table. He watched as Higgins spit his drink back to the mug it came from at the sight of him. Gossard and Doc stifled their giggles. But Brutto went ahead and laughed furiously.

The girl herself had a huge amused expression on her face. "Sure, CJ." She answered tentatively. The table mellowed down slightly in anticipation of their conversation.

"Is there a note stuck on my back?" He demanded.

Four out of five troopers on the table laughed out loud. But the girl shook her head. "There's no note on your back, CJ." She answered now even more amused than ever.

Carl's eyes narrowed at the girl while the troopers behind her continued on in their merriment. "Are you sure?" He inquired.

"I'm sure." Came the quick answer.

"Promise?" He said ensuring that he wasn't been tricked.

"Sure." She shrugged.

"Cross your heart? Hope to die?"

"Stick a needle in my eye." She continued for him. "You want to spit shake too?" Andy asked chuckling. "CJ. I promise that there's no note anywhere near your galaxy." She swore.

Carl paused for several seconds but decided that the girl was indeed telling the truth. There was no note. But then what was it? What was up? What could possibly be causing this ridiculous event that even Brutto was laughing while pointing his spoon at him.

And then he saw it in Brutto's spoon. Horror of horrors, it was a nightmare. He paled at the realization.

He's been asking the wrong question.

Because on Brutto's spoon, was his wavering reflection.

And in this distorted view, he had a thick black curvy mustache on his face.

He froze on the spot. He couldn't believe it. They did it while he slept. The paper and pen were just props to lead him on. They knew. They all knew. He's been unwittingly out witted.

The world faded away into a sound of laughter until unmistakable voices broke through. "What can I say, buddy" Said a satisfied Rico as he placed his arm around his shoulders.

"You've been punk'd." Dizzy FLores grinned.

--


	3. The Original Prankster

RSTC: The Original Prankster

There were a few things a man like Charles Zim had grown accustomed to. Respect was at the top of that list. Whether he earned it or not, (which in his opinion, he has earn it), whether he got it because they liked him or they feared him, it didn't matter. Human or Tophetti of whatever rank will always treat him with a measure of care. As a drill sergeant, troopers will flinch at the slightest sign of his scowl and cower in fear when he starts barking about his growing disappointment. His imposing figure alone would stop any nonsense those greenies were up to.

Therefore, Surprise is not an apt enough word to describe how he felt when he entered the office like room he shared with Rico and the lights won't turn on. Surprise barely covers the feeling of the door sliding shut behind him, leaving him stumbling in the dark. Surprise was not the emotion that was there when after tripping over something squeaky Rico had left on the floor, the lights came on when someone, that was not him, sharply clapped twice. And he was nowhere near surprised when before he picked himself off the ground, he looked up and saw a trooper sitting in his seat, feet propped atop his table, and said trooper was looking down on him.

"Zim," the trooper said, with a level of disdain that he hasn't heard for a long time. No honorific either.

The audacity!

"Anderson," he barely managed to say through his teeth as the girl removed herself from his seat calmly to get a cup of coffee from Rico's desk, "What the hell are you doing here?"

"Really?" she asked, "You honestly don't know the answer to that question?"

"How did you even get in here? And the lights"

The girl turned to face him and rolled her eyes. "Seriously?"

Zim's eyes narrowed at the much younger trooper's indifference to his mood. "You couldn't have hack into the Valley Forge because you don't have a computer..."

"It's called powder- on- keypad and remote control. I thought an old timer like you would know an old school hack like that," she answered breezily. "There's a reason why Virtual Command recommends a regular change in password. Now, sit and I are going to have a little chat."

"Private Ashley Anderson," he started to berate.

"Sergeant Charles Zim," she said, raising her voice to drown his out, "do you know what would make an awesome prank? Changing your status to deceased and having SICON notify whoever you put as next of kin," she smiled sweetly, "I wonder who that is?" Her smile fell as she placed a coffee mug in his hands, filled it with coffee and steeled her gaze. "Sit down, sir. I'm going to teach you something about meddling in my affairs."

And instantly, Charles Zim knew what this was about. He knew she was going to annoyed but he never counted on the kid being angry, at least, angry enough for a confrontation. Actually, most wouldn't dare pull what she just did- which to the old sergeant was just another proof that this particular human being was hardwired differently than most.

The quirk was almost endearing.

Almost.

He sat down, smirking, holding the warm mug with both hands, which admittedly, felt kind of nice. Hell might have known no fury like a woman scorned but nevertheless, he was pleased at the results of his labour. "Get over it, Anderson," he suggested.

"No," she replied pacing the length of the small space in front of him, "No. Do you know what you just did?"

"Why don't you enlighten me."

"You placed mystery meat on the back pocket of everyone's pants except mine," she fumed, "So when everyone sat down in the mess hall-" she shuddered at the memory. "And you weren't even there!"

"Oh no, I was there, kid," Zim chuckled. "You know most people would thank me for avenging you."

"Thank you?" Zim watched her eyes turn to saucers. "Dude, I have broken laptop because Carl misfired that stupid rubber frog. I can fix the laptop. I didn't need avenging."

Zim sipped from the mug and shook his head. "Fine. You might not have needed avenging but private, the Roughnecks just spent four days in Hydora-"

"I know. I was there."

"Yeah well, did you see them on their tippy toes going around you? Including Rico?"

"Maybe they want to take up ballet?"

"Or maybe they're waiting for you to actually react to what they did and maybe get even with a prank of your own," he said. "Let me school you on something kid- that's what normal people do. And that's what I did for you. And in doing so, I get this squad back working normally instead of checking whether a certain princess is going to shoot them in the back with one wrong word. I can't have another mission where Rico's double guessing himself because you happened to roll your eyes at what he said," Zim explained, " News flash, Anderson, that's how we all buy the farm. Do you want to know more?" he mimicked the SICON ads sarcastically.

"Oh please. That's how Rico is with you. All the time. And we're still alive and kicking," she shot back, plopping down on Rico's seat. "Rico's like that with Flores too."

Zim sighed and shook his head. Sometimes, there was no getting through to people. "Just think of it this way, kid. It's an exercise in team building. In fact, in Pest Control, my team became a close knit bug killing machine because we knew how to keep it loose during R&R."

There was a snort. "Yeah, because you started it that time too right? You know for a drill sergeant you've done some very non- drill- sergeant-y things."

Charlie Zim almost dropped his mug at that comment. "Private, did you read my file?"

The girl just grinned at him innocently, "I was just guessing but I guess I was right. Who knew you were the Original Prankster?"

Dangnabit! This kid was baiting him. "Anderson," he said, annoyed now, "You're one to complain about the pranking when you did the same thing in your last squad."

"I did it to Sierra to take those jerks down a notch," she replied. "You know, with great power comes with great responsibility."

"So why the hell are you here, Anderson?" he steadied his gaze at the trooper, "What's this about you teaching me something about meddling with your affairs?" he quoted.

"You see, Zim, the reason why I wasn't retaliating is because I knew if I did, those jokers would try to one up," she explained, "Then this Circle of Psycho would never end. And I want it to end. Before all my stuff gets shattered to pieces," she stood up and started pacing again. "But no, you just had to scratch that itch on your hand. So-"

"So?"

"Seriously, sir? Mystery meat on back pocket? That the best you can do?"

"It was hilarious."

"It was short lived," she said backing up towards the door.

"And what would you do?" he asked.

The girl shrugged. "Oh, maybe... Steal some of that heat activated glue they use to repair marauders with. Put a liberal amount on a full coffee mug. Make sure the victim holds it with both hands for sometime enough for the glue to cure..." she trailed on with a smirk on her face.

Zim looked down on how he was holding the mug, and very slowly raised his gaze to the grinning trooper. "Anderson..."

"You know the Roughnecks were forced to go to infirmary because of your little prank," She nodded solemnly, "Yeah, they're going to be there 24 hours. When you see them, consider it as an exercise in team building."

Suddenly, he felt all the blood drain from his face. "Anderson..."

"So that thing, I wanted to tell you about meddling in my affairs," she grinned pressing the button that made the door slide open behind her, "Don't."

"Anderson, come back here!" He stood up trying to catch up with her but the door was starting to slide close.

"Zim versus Sharaabi. Original Prankster versus Medical Terror. Who would win in Battle Arena Valley Forge?" She announced, taking a step backwards out of the room. "Fight!"

She clapped twice.

The lights went out just as the door slid shut.

…

"ANDERSON!"

3 B


End file.
